existance

there was a period of time were i was struggeling with religion. before this i was a christian and before that i was sooper devout but slowly started to think and comprehend more and more as i got older. why morals? why sin? why heven or hell? why jesus? why god? why exist? these were some of the questions in my head as i attended sunday school. it was some time later that i started to doubt what was being forced down my throat based on faith instead of logic. in the words of kierkegaard, "to belive is precisely to loose ones understanding to win god." to loose understanding is something i was simply not willing to do. now having based my life on this thing called faith and seemingly suddenly it was not there, i was at loss to say the least. well it is in the nature of man to have something to cling on to and this natural instinkt is something i was still holding onto.
than the wonderfull thought came to my head, what if there was no reason for the being of man? this thought what extreamly usefull to me. the way i see it, if there is no real reason, than arnt we essentually free to do as we wish? for instance take a racing based vidio game. the designers of this game took it apon themselfs to design an abstract and amazing soroundings for you to pilot or drive your vehicle. having no goal or objective essentually gives you the time to explore all the wonderfull graffics. (all moral obligations to be described at a later date) for instance take a racing based vidio game. the designers of this game took it apon themselfs to design an abstract and amazing soroundings for you to pilot or drive your vehicle. having no goal or objective essentually gives you the time to explore all the wonderfull graffics. and evan in the vidio game you are restricted to the limitations of your craft in wich you are suposed to compleat the race. eh, you get the point and enywhat,i digress. this concept/idea was increadably uplifting for me as it alloud me to be whoever i wanted to be, it let me be myself, without the donting task of living up to a god. while this was good, i needed something a bit more to describe my exestence.
so i went to the very begining, wich was simply confirming that i do exist. thats a pritty simple task is it not? the frase "i think therefore i am", said by Rene Descartes came to mind. at the time i could not think of who accually came up with that phrase but it seemed appropirat for the explanation of my existance. so that was good. i had something to work with. it is appropirat to point out that this defanition did not tell me how i came to exist, in what means i existed, or if there was enything but me in existance. but it was a starting point.
so the next step is to define the world as i see it. or sence it. we understand our soroundings through our five sences. but our sences are just electronical singnals organized into memories within our own heads. so how do we explain this. following Descartes's example i came up with the phrase, "you have a name, therefore you are". by name i mean that i can describe you through one of my five sences. and i dont mean you as in your person. i mean everything i can see feel hear smell and taste. for instance this chair that im sitting in now. i call it a chair. or i can call it wood with faboric and padding. or i can call it [insert correct cemical components here]. so in short, it exists becouse i can specify it within my relm of thought. all actions thoughts people places and things can be described in the same mannor.
so now, i exist and everthing around me exists aswell. this is wonderfull i think. so now what do i call this mutual existance? GOD!