There is a fire in her heart,
A passion, a powerfull soul.
Totally perpendicular to my being, my color
In the most spectacular way.
When I'm with her, my heart sores,
like victory
All my means of comprehension are renderd useless
As I struggle to uderstand so I can perdict my next move.
Such a rush is this totall lack of controll
As I masokistically desire more of this unique relation.
At totall lost of what to say or how to act
I am forced to be honest and myself to remain constant.
Wheiter or not this feeling is mutual
It's natural, and dose not necisarily ask for trust.
Folowing my desires, my only true santuary.
I ask to share space with such a beautiful being.
Monday, June 21, 2010
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
The Man (letter)
Ok, sorry y'all for not posting on time. I'm kinda out of town with no com, this is being done from my phone. So! This is an old Emil I sent to to a frien of mine. Enjoy!
The man
it seems that you are talking about one of my major problems with life. the "resposible adult" or as the hippies would say, 'the man'. responcibility is quite alot alike that chain around your ankle or cliping the wings of a bird so he will stay still to hatch his eggs. the path that i want to find is one that avoids most of the main responcibility's. maby by cutting off one of those legs? meaning i do with out a fancy cell phone or a nice car? i too want a life where things happen. but at what cost? there is a security in the foundations of the modern adult, but what do you pay for those securities? i also belive the answer is freedom. so what do you do without to obtain that freedome? the kids? the wife? the car and house? the education? or is there a way we could find that we can ceep it all? what would that cost? time, effort, common sence, and the ability to think out of the box, and the courage to do what is diffrent. (i know! (eurika moment)). we have to always be challenging ourselfs. we cant get cought in what is confortible. we have to always be trying to ceep some opposition infront of us. this is a cost most people dont want to pay! but thats were we are diffrent, we delight in this opposition. metafore: most people who play life tetras want only so many rows of blocs, once they have figured out where to put these blocks they stop the blocks from comming down and do with the neat little box they have created. but not me and not you. we never wan those blocks to stop falling. bring us more! pick up the pace! and as we ceep eliminating rows, we find more and more saticfaction. at the cost of reaching the top we will never halt the oncomming blocks. and if we do fail the game, we will not be disrought, we will simply start agin. :end metifore. lets re relate this to the practical world of fightng the man. how do we ceep chalenging our selfs? what brave new venture do we set out upon, yet still ceep all the sub goals in mind (the wife kids house and car)? well i dont know, but i have a cupla ideas. and this is the beginning of what i mentiond above.
The man
it seems that you are talking about one of my major problems with life. the "resposible adult" or as the hippies would say, 'the man'. responcibility is quite alot alike that chain around your ankle or cliping the wings of a bird so he will stay still to hatch his eggs. the path that i want to find is one that avoids most of the main responcibility's. maby by cutting off one of those legs? meaning i do with out a fancy cell phone or a nice car? i too want a life where things happen. but at what cost? there is a security in the foundations of the modern adult, but what do you pay for those securities? i also belive the answer is freedom. so what do you do without to obtain that freedome? the kids? the wife? the car and house? the education? or is there a way we could find that we can ceep it all? what would that cost? time, effort, common sence, and the ability to think out of the box, and the courage to do what is diffrent. (i know! (eurika moment)). we have to always be challenging ourselfs. we cant get cought in what is confortible. we have to always be trying to ceep some opposition infront of us. this is a cost most people dont want to pay! but thats were we are diffrent, we delight in this opposition. metafore: most people who play life tetras want only so many rows of blocs, once they have figured out where to put these blocks they stop the blocks from comming down and do with the neat little box they have created. but not me and not you. we never wan those blocks to stop falling. bring us more! pick up the pace! and as we ceep eliminating rows, we find more and more saticfaction. at the cost of reaching the top we will never halt the oncomming blocks. and if we do fail the game, we will not be disrought, we will simply start agin. :end metifore. lets re relate this to the practical world of fightng the man. how do we ceep chalenging our selfs? what brave new venture do we set out upon, yet still ceep all the sub goals in mind (the wife kids house and car)? well i dont know, but i have a cupla ideas. and this is the beginning of what i mentiond above.
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
the artistic state
it is a commen concept that as humans we only use about 10% of our brains at one point in time. and of course there is great potential for someone who can access more of there brain at once. but with out some magical pill, how is this obtained. atholetes and artists refere to 'being in the zone' when they are practicing thier spacific trade, and if you ask one of them they normally claim that being 'in the zone' is a pleasing expreince. exuse my lack of refence, but one acting teacher calls this the artisistic state. the mindset of an actor who compleatly becomes the caricter he is trying to convey. i have found that the feeling of being in the artistic state when i was acting was verry similer to the fealings of sparring, or painting, or trying to frame the perfect shot with photography. i have not gotten into too many mainstream sports, but i imagin that pro athelets experience something similar.
another state of mind i am trying to better understand is the idea of 'feeling' things as opposed to thinking them. for some reason when i am using this whole feeling aproch to understanding i almost feel it in my chest. simmilar feelings come from using the buddist third eye, or when i was a christian, praying to god. and to me it seems like a diffrent level of the artistic state accessed not by a specific moment but just by thinking/'feeling' about something.
so the way my theory works is this. the artistic state is when you are accessing a larger persentege of your brain at one point of time. for instance, when you are trying to understand a person with this artistic state, you are turning off the inner monolog of words and accessing all of your memories of that person in order to come up with grand conclusions. or that moment in baseball where you are waiting for that pitcher to throw the ball. or in a fight where your mind seems almost compleatly blank and you are reacting to everything on the moment entirely. or one of my favorits, in video games were reaction times reach higher than normaly possible. so! if you were to be able to somhow master the artistic state, you would be an expert at almost everything you do. and evan if you are not smarter than the man next to you, you can still put out more brain power. i have found personally that this artistic state and that moment of aha! when something is understood, feels great! it is extreamly stimulating and defanatly leaves you wanting more.
another state of mind i am trying to better understand is the idea of 'feeling' things as opposed to thinking them. for some reason when i am using this whole feeling aproch to understanding i almost feel it in my chest. simmilar feelings come from using the buddist third eye, or when i was a christian, praying to god. and to me it seems like a diffrent level of the artistic state accessed not by a specific moment but just by thinking/'feeling' about something.
so the way my theory works is this. the artistic state is when you are accessing a larger persentege of your brain at one point of time. for instance, when you are trying to understand a person with this artistic state, you are turning off the inner monolog of words and accessing all of your memories of that person in order to come up with grand conclusions. or that moment in baseball where you are waiting for that pitcher to throw the ball. or in a fight where your mind seems almost compleatly blank and you are reacting to everything on the moment entirely. or one of my favorits, in video games were reaction times reach higher than normaly possible. so! if you were to be able to somhow master the artistic state, you would be an expert at almost everything you do. and evan if you are not smarter than the man next to you, you can still put out more brain power. i have found personally that this artistic state and that moment of aha! when something is understood, feels great! it is extreamly stimulating and defanatly leaves you wanting more.
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